Realism vs. Optimism

As of the last few days, the United States has once again been pushed back in the ranks of countries leading the world in technology in medicine. Hwang Woo-Suk of Seoul University in South Korea successfully cloned an embryonic cell from the DNA of a sick patient, the second successful clone in two years.

And here we are in the United States scurrying around with our priorities completely out of wack.

Sick people? disease you say? Screw em’, we need oil and gas for our SUV’s!!!!!

Remember that one class in high school that you couldn’t stand and without fail would always forget or purposely not do the homework? For me it was Algebra. I don’t know what it was, the Susan Powter look-alike teacher, or just the idea of sitting around trying to figure out why x= AB cause honestly we all know you will never need to know that stuff, despite what your parents said.

I just couldn’t get into it. So it was punishment upon punishment to have to drag the Algebra book home with me under the context of “homework” as if the class work was not torture enough.

Imagine coming home from school or work one day and finding your parents sobbing in the kitchen clutching photos of family a world away. Imagine the frustration you would feel at knowing that you came to this country in hopes of gaining opportunity, while leaving behind everyone and everything you know.

Now imagine that one day, your new land of opportunity, a land that you had become a proud citizen of had decided to invade your homeland for reasons you could never understand. For reasons that are insignificant to you because the only thing that matters to you there is your family and their safety.

So I know that people are probably sick and tired of hearing the youth of America regurgitate the satirical views of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show as truth, I know I am, but I have to give it to Jon Stewart for keeping his show more real than a lot of top networks programming, even under the context of satire.

Okay so as much as it pains me to talk about the pope AGAIN, I will. It's not that I'm against Catholicism or Christianity as a whole, its just that I am against that idea that if you dont believe what they believe, than your gonna rot in hell.

I quote the pope in 1981: "the church cannot be an association of free thinkers."

So today marks the day of the death of the Pope. Seems like a pretty big deal right? Honestly, I'm not what you would call a religious person, more like a spiritual one, but I can still see the significance of his death. He was a world leader, Christ he had his own fuckin city. Wait can I say christ and fucking in the same sentence....? I'm not really to sure on the rules of these things. Anyways, he died yesterday and the whole Christian faith mourns. I can understand that, but man do I not understand where the modern religious ideals have gone.

It occurred to me recently that we live in a society of good-hearted, well-intentioned complainers. These are the people who sit on the sidelines and watch life pass by, too scared to actually join in, but quick to point out when others make mistakes. In this country, we are lucky enough to be surrounded by endless opinions, thoughts and ideas that often create mass and sometimes hysterical dialouge. However, it seems that people are often so caught up in the mix, they forget to actually attempt to solve problems.

So here we are again amidst another Jackson controversy. We go through our daily lives focusing our attention on another media feeding frenzy over some guy that we will all pretty much agree is not all there. Now, I won't lie, I danced to Thriller and have to say that Off the Wall was one of the best albums of the 80's, but it doesnt change the fact that the guy has a few screws lose, or has just screwed one too many times. Okay, I know thats gross, but seriously, how is it that we set aside so much time out of our days talking about something that really has minimal importance in the greater scheme of things? Do we not remember that there is a war going on???

Every year, children around the world awake from a one eyed sleep, to scurry to their living rooms in anticipation of finding their Christmas dreams come true. Some get baseballs, in hopes that they will one day play for their favorite team, some get dolls that they dress up and make their own. On a similar morning about twenty years ago, one little girl got a typewriter, and so began the adventure that she would create for herself.

Recently, in one of my classes we were reading excerpts from dream prose. All this talk of dreams keeps bringing me back to the bizarre dreams I've been having about my dad and my family back home.

Especially the dream where I had skulls in my mouth. There is something particullarly disturbing about that one. Perhaps it is because I remember it so vividly, when often my dreams escape me as quickly as random thoughts daydreamed at the most boring parts of the day.

There has to be some reason that I keep having the dreams about home. Do I subconciously miss my old life while my aware exterior enjoys the freedom and independance of the life I have created here and now?

I always thought that at some point there would be some magic map handed to me along the weathered path. It hasn't been till recently that I realized that I am the magic captain of this crazy ship of dreams, and without a compass or map, and I would have to find my own way. And along the way I have discovered things rivaling Stonehenge or Mayan Ruins......... Friends, good friends anyways, come once in a great while. And when you discover these friends, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Some are like the ferris wheel, scenic and predictable, but always amaze you when you get to the top, some are like the Teacups at Magic Kingdom, crazy and unbalanced.

You give a little, you get a little reward. You give a lot, you get a little reward. In all my wanderings, I'm beginning to question whether it is possible to do it all.....within the confines of what is available. For example, I'd like to see the world, travel without destination, kneel down in the street of a place that begins to blend in with all the others and just be thankful that I am alive. I want to get drunk in a tavern of a town so small that there is no name. I want to look into someone's eyes, and communicate with emotion and without words. There is so much to see, but how is it possible?

I just wish I had some time to enjoy them.
Today is the perfect example of my life. I get up, throw on some clothes, spray some perfume so that I may maintain that feminine persona even though sometimes I feel more like a slug, I work, I sit for like 5 minutes and cram in some homework into my overlly swollen brain, and then go back to work.

Everyday we wander through life trying not to stumble upon our own thoughts while making certain that our focus lies straight ahead and avoids the obvious flaws around us that scream for our attention. I can't honestly say that my life up till this point has even begin to live up to the expectations that we are taught to place upon ourselves, but I can say that I am painfully aware of the days that pass by, and with them comes new expectation.
My father is a realist. The perfect picture of practicality with just enough cynicism that it makes you smile. I learned from him that you must always have a goal, some guidelines to follow. Without them, life would be nothing more than a biology experiment gone wrong.